Interracial relationships is controversial regardless of whatever part of the world you are in. Some view these kinds of relationships with disgust while others with pain. We, all know our history and how often race has played a role and still plays a role in man’s inhumanity towards another. But, what if cupid strikes and you as a black woman decide that you want to date a white guy. What should you do? What steps should you take? What should you look out for? This month, we revisit a controversial interview done with yours truly on race, love, sex and relationship. The question is: “supposing I wanted to date a white guy?”
Meet controversial author Halima Sal-Anderson.
Are interracial relationships still controversial?
Halima: I think it isn't as much as it used to be and there is an assumption of it being controversial that doesn't hold up once you get into it. Interracial relationships have become political which gives it an air of controversy. I need to rephrase the last part by saying that Interracial relationship is now being used for political purposes as a test of one's loyalties particularly in the black community but i don't think this is necessarily right. You can be loyal to your people without restricting your dating option to men from your race.
Why did you decide to write such a controversial book?
Halima: A number of reason of which foremost is that i wanted to lay out the Interracial dating option plainly for black women. I wanted to give black women a reference/handbook for exploring interracial relationships in general but i was also interested in black women being able to avail themselves of the interracial option, because let's be practical here, the pool of available black men is diminishing. I had come across all sorts of ideas and notions which i felt would be a great hindrance to black women on the modern dating scene (a scene different to that of our mothers and grandmothers) and a book was needed to point out and challenge these ideas.
Have you ever dated outside your race?
So your writing this book was also from your experience?
Halima : Yes, part of it but I also interviewed scores of black women as well, so it isn't only about me. But I wanted to hear black women's voices but these voices are within a framework. My book is split into 2 parts, the first is the general exploration of inter racial relationships; what it is and all the political thought surrounding it - it is in this portion that I address the issue of black men and their out of race dating because it does have an impact on black women in many ways. The other part is a self-help guide into Interracial Relationship land if you like, in it I detail the process into mixed relationships.
Who should go into an inter racial relationships? Are their special qualities either partners should have?
Halima: Anyone who wants to or who feels they would like to after giving it some thought. I don't think it is a specialist field as many would have us believe. Most black women think they might need to be different or 'alternative' to find white men attractive and date inter racially, but this is just a sample of the kind of misleading ideas that surround interracial dating.
We have to talk about this - what of resulting children? How does one bring up a mixed race child?
Halima: I think black women do a good job here (I am biased), I think they ground them in their black cultures in ways that leaves them with a healthy self esteem. I think mothers and black mothers being primary socializers, impart a respect and acceptance of their black culture to their children unless they have a problem in this area.
But that is within the home. What of outside the home. Many mixed kids complain of being ostracized or having to deal with identity crisis?
Halima: From what i have observed in real life i think biracial children of black women are more comfortable with their identity. I have a couple of them who relate well with others and they do not feel awkward around blacks or other biracial people. They just muddle in with the rest of us. But i have to balance that and say that it all goes back to how grounded the black parent is and how okay they are with their identity. I think Africans have an edge here because their core identity appears to have been untouched in the way other black groups have.
Where do you go to meet these white men?
Halima: Online dating has proved quite helpful, but they are all around us!
What are the key issues a mixed couple will face?
Halima: always remember that if your relationship is satisfying to you and meets your needs, nothing out there should come between you. My desire is for sisters to be happy, too many are not and it is sad. I want to do my little bit to wrest them from just existing to please and support everyone else but not taking care of themselves in this area. 70% of black women in the US are single, that is an unacceptable value to me!
What difficulties did you face gathering information for this book?
Halima: I had a lot of difficulties. I thought black women would embrace the concept but I found some so hostile. I now understand this to be because I was opening their wounds and shame around black men choosing other women over them. But this was necessary to get to grips with the issue. It's calmer now as many understand what i am trying to do but then... it took a while to get here.
Interview - P.S
Last Updated ( Monday, 14 May 2012 00:28 )