And my dad said, "you have to untie your own ends. You have to forgive. You can't hang on to all these things". Yes. He is right. But, Dad is always right when it comes to issues concerning me.
Maybe, it is the symbolic tie that I have to him. It is said that I am a reincarnation of an old woman who lived in the village that showed him kindness.
That's where my problem begins. I show kindness where I shouldn't. I accept when I shouldn't. I take people on when I should leave them alone. My mom keeps on saying that I should not make decisions out of pity. She is right.
But, unfortunately, as long as my heart remains the way it is- I might make this same mistake over and over again but I promise that from each time I fall and get up, I grow an extra wall. It will be harder next time I promise.
For months, I kept quiet as I read the nonsense written. It would have been easy to deal with all that nonsense by correcting assumptions. But, I realized that childishness will always remain childishness. Silliness will always remain silliness. Those who know me, will remain and those who don't will jump from place to place. It really honestly has nothing to do with me.
There were many times, I read your stuff and I wondered, okay where is this coming from? We never had a real conversation . Is it really that once that I called you when I went home to let you know that I was in town that you got this from. Or was it because I took a step back because the whole limelight thing never agreed with me. I've always preferred to let my work speak for itself, my name and my picture aren't relevant.
You decided to take my aversion to the limelight as your stepping stone for pure evil while painting it in the name of Jesus. Yes, I sat back, watched and wondered when the God that you speak so much about will strike your heart and you will start speaking the truth. Namely:
a) You came to me.
b) The first article you wrote - you were attacked on my site and I stood up for you and asked you to ensure that all articles that you send henceforth be original and you should state your source.
c) that the only advice I gave you was to get a little bit personal. That if people don't feel who you are, your message could get lost.
d) Or maybe, it was because you wanted to get involved in another project I was working on and I had to speak to several people and I gave you their answer. Maybe you thought that answer was from me. You see. You misjudged me. You thought maybe that I might act out of selfish motivations. Instead of understanding that I always wish the best for everyone I work with.
You assumed that because I was pouring out of myself into this project that I was earning huge sums of money. Often times, people find it difficult to understand that passion is the push and nothing else. It is passion that ensures that you run from East to West. It is passion that makes you ask for that interview. It is passion that makes you send out all those emails, make all those phone calls, organize to ensure things go as planned and not anything else. But, you, my dear never got it.
Those who got it were others. Maybe, because they had been there. Or maybe, because they had followed my journey for years and seen that this was what fascinates me.
Now, for whatever reason - you are trying to go back to how things were. I really don't know why but I really don't want to be bothered. I am at peace with how things are. Those that were there in the beginning are still here. Maybe, because they knew that all that you were typing had no touch with reality and was just a figment of your oversensitive thoughts of how I was supposed to be.
Anyways, it is all in the past. You are forgiven. But, NO. You won't get to me through my heart. Though I understand that we all have our personal demons and often times people get hurt in the process of exorcising them. I wished you the best originally and I still do. I will always remain excited and happy for you when whatever you do is a success. But, those doors are locked. Closed. Blocked .
Last Updated ( Sunday, 29 April 2012 12:16 )