Dear Diary,

Today is just another day in the neighbourhood.  I find myself staring a lot these  days not because I'm sad but rather because I just find my eyes fixated on something and then my mind starts wandering.  I am very fine and of course, you know he is fine. 

As individuals, there are many things that we know for sure, these are our truths. Today, I will be sharing 5 things I know for sure.

1) Life happens.  You might start on the same page but you might end up on separate pages. If your partner has moved on to another page and seems settled on that page.  It is fine - to let it be and get out of the book. 

2) Love happens.  Love can happen at any stage of a person's life.  Just having a bad beginning does not mean that you will have a bad end.  The question is if you've prepared yourself to accept love.  I had to get myself ready for love - which involved letting go of bitterness, anger and forgiving myself and most importantly forgiving him.  That was the only way, I could be open to receive love and attention from my new him.

3) People will talk.  In African societies, women are the menders, we are the one's who step back to let him shine.  We are the one's taught to accept a man's infidelity and see it as normal.  That's how many have managed to keep their homes 'intact' but when a woman wakes up and says this isn't really healthy anymore and you've obviously moved on and I choose to move on with my life -just know you will be talked about.  You will be called all kinds of names.  Most importantly, the blame will be placed very squarely on your doorstep.  If you aren't strong enough and you want to get along with everyone - then please quietly stay within the marriage but if you want to get yourself back, you need to grow a spine. Often times quickly. Christians can be the worst - warning you.

4) They aren't all your friends.  When you decide to transition from being a married woman to a separated or divorced woman, you will loose friends.  You see friends that you've shared before will have to decide on whose side they need to be on.  Often times, you will loose your female friends because you see , women need to go where their men are.  If you keep any friends it will be those that were there before the 'I' became the 'we' and if you are seriously unlucky, it might just be your nuclear family.

5) Freedom is great but it comes with a cost - There is nothing that beats being free and learning to deal with yourself as an 'I".  Yes, it seems selfish but these are my truths. But it will cost you a lot - financially, mentally, physically and often times spiritually.  You might need to really dig into your spiritual roots to stay strong because it will be coming at you from all directions. 

Now, I am not saying that all those women who are tired of their 'trifling' spouses, should take the steps I took.  NO!  See if you can work on it and if there isn't any thing more that can be done - then you know what to do.  Remember, love is great but it has to start with you.