Do you feel tied down by numbers?  Feel the urge to tell a little lie when that hated question pops up?  What question you wonder?  The dreaded question...we know what it is....it comes in all forms...sometimes, out right and sometimes implicit but all with one agenda  to find out how many passed the gates of heaven or hell before  he attempts passing through.   I wonder how many people are actually honest and if this honesty goes ahead to affect their impending relationship.  I think it does. 

Even if we refuse to accept it - there still exists a double standard.  Yes, women have achieved a lot.  Yes, it is easy to meet women who have broken the glass ceiling and stamped on it with their high heeled stilettos BUT when it comes to issues of sex and sexuality - many women are still within that prison cell.  They can enjoy sex but not too much.  They can go after the man they want but they can't make it too obvious.   They can enjoy masculine pursuit but temper it down with femininity.  Come on - what gives?  Do you know what the saddest part  is - it is  that this prison is often of their own making.  If you are true to yourself, the person who loves you or cares about you will accept you just the way you are.  Now, how does this tie to numbers, you wonder?

Well, for each extra number a woman gives that seems outside the 'norm', there is a guy out there that is being congratulated for having 3 extra or more numbers.  He is being congratulated by both men and women.  While this guy is busy expressing and enjoying his sexuality and his sex life - women are being told that they cannot express or enjoy theirs.  What gives?

What often makes it  sad is that women are told by other women to lie about their age, their sexual orientation,  their partners, or their preference in bed.  Tone it down, they are told.  But, why I ask?  Anyone telling guys to tone it down?  Aren't women part of their celebratory experiences?  How many women out there are searching for a man who can just 'touch the right spot'.  Well, Sista gal, the reason he can touch 'the right spot' so quickly is because he has been touching many spots on many females for many years.  Women should really be careful about the message they spread and what they accept as normative.

Now, I am not advocating that women all go out and have a sex galore but seriously, if women have  reached a particular age, there are certain things there shouldn't be a conversation about.  It doesn't matter if it was one, ten or a million - the fact is that there is something about this person that makes you fascinated and you will like to know the person better.  Now, if the issue really is your insecurity and the fact that you think that you cannot keep up or match her experience then there are two options - you can step to the side, so the one who can does it or you can look at it as a learning experience.  She will definitely tell you what works for her. 

I ask that women stop a) answering those questions b) asking those questions c) if he asks that question, respond and say , 'the same number as you sweetie'.  I will add that contraceptive methods should DEFINITELY be discussed.

Till next time.