I was brought up in a home in which you said what you mean and you mean what you say.  The concept of subterfuge was not a skill that we learnt.  As has been mentioned earlier, my dad is a retired Engineer, so being methodical and direct to the point was something that we had to learn at an early age.  My daddy can't stand dancing around the point - he wants to know when, how, why and often times in quick succession.  He deals only in facts.   One thing, I 've had to learn growing up is that many don't deal in facts. They prefer to hide intentions rather than really coming out to say what it is that's really going on and maybe it is up to us as adults to be able to decipher what is underneath. 

To be honest, I will stick with what I am told until you show me otherwise and actually at this point, I am learning, the hard way, after many years of experience with 'friends' to actually - go deeper and find out who they really are before allowing them into my life. In the past, I used to be so open with resources, information and everything and even if I was betrayed, I will tell myself that okay, the fact that this one person did this, does not necessarily mean that another person will do the same.  I am actually learning particularly  (maybe it is from getting older) that people aren't really what they say.  The person who preaches the loudest is often the biggest sinner.  The person who comes as a friend is often the biggest enemy. 

As we get into the later months of the year, and we get into the new year - the question becomes should I change my character to become just like everyone else.  Deal in the realm of deceit, lies, exaggeration and subterfuge in other to get my way?  Or should I just remain true to myself knowing that those who know, know.

Case in point - a couple of years ago, I was sharing a project with a group of people, it was supposed to be a fun project - (I am sorry , I deal with so much in what I do daily - that having that leeway to enjoy myself is often key to my relaxed nature ;-) ), but as time kept on going on and the project kept on growing, I noticed that there was jealousy from one of them in particular (kind of who do you think you are? blah blah blah  and as is the case, when I notice jealousy, I pretend that I am seeing double and I refuse to address it.  (I have a get well soon attitude to certain things).

Eventually, this 'friend' couldn't control it and it came out. I addressed it bluntly by reminding her that this was a project and it  was out of fun and love and really it wasn't about her.  This project was my concept, it was my baby, it was my leeway, something which I had invested a lot of my money and time into and the main reason that most of the responsibility on that project was done by me.  I don't want anyone coming to me with stories. Beyond all that, she came in much later than a lot of the others.   I think this shocked her because she had made assumptions that I wasn't going to speak up and that my easy going nature will let her get her way (easy going 85 percent of the time until I catch your hand in the cookie jar).

  At the end of the day - I wished her well in her endeavours and proceeded to move on with the project.  Now, she's  trying to get into my circle and my life and I am ignoring her.  Honestly, I do not do rehabilitation's anymore.  Maybe it's me being hard on people and rigid but once, you show me who you are - I don't give second chances.  Another, point for growing up. 

Now, how does this tie to honesty - I was discussing this with a good friend of mine the other day and she said and I quote " you were too honest with her, people don't know what to do with that".   Maybe, she's right. 

But to change at this point in time or not, that's the question?  Should I become more like others in order to grow and get noticed and acclaimed?   Let a person respect you for who you are as an individual. Any other form of respect is just fake respect. I detest fake respect and will continuously stay away from that.

On that note - please join me on Tuesday at 6pm EST for "the bitter truth with Pamela Stitch" - where we will be dealing with issues with brutal honesty.  A couple of you will cry, some of you will be angry, some of you will be upset and but I suspect a lot of you will like it".  Let's get real and remove the subterfuge.

Of course, we are currently putting together the November edition.  We will love to feature more langugages.  Been calling for this for a while.  Please, send me an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and let's get this going.